A Mad Tea Party

Excerpt from my work-in-process, untitled novel:


It was a mid-summer evening, and an assembly of well-coiffed women stood on the turf of the Maadi Croquet court and coddled in small talk. They were the last of their kind within a 3-mile radius, for it was June and the upper class's seasonal migration to the north – to Alexandria proper, but more recently to the Bourgeois colonies of Montazah, Ma'moura and Agami that were in vogue - had commenced almost a month ago, promptly at the closing of the school year. For 3 months of summer, Cairene women would whisk away their children and their nannies to evade the stifling summer months in Cairo. And for the Cairine girls who had neither nannies nor children but wanted both, summer was the official hunting season for eligible bachelors. The beaches of Agami and Montazah were the new chasing grounds for young women with any aspirations of upward social mobility. It was the sport of preference of any lady-of-society-in-the-making. They could stroll around in décolleté swim suits to demonstrate to their suitors – or the matchmakers that represent them – that they hold the proper credentials for the title of Wife.

An in a recent, most exciting development, the rapid commercialization of hair spray introduced dramatic hairstyles to the beach scene, hairdos like Jackie Kennedy's flap, once avoided in adherence to the laws of nature (namely Alexandria's notorious humidity, capable of reducing slick styles into bundles of frizz), a new generation of women braved the elements and marched to beach resorts in diamond-studded do's; hordes of Audrey Hepburn wannabes a la Breakfast at Tiffany's frolicking at seaside resorts. This was Cairo in 1962.

On the turf, the conversation of the feminine assemblage centered on the earlier sighting of Madame Rafik – née Angela Antonioni - at the tennis courts, allegedly accompanying her son Adham, Maadi's undisputed tennis champ and equally undisputed teenage heartthrob. The alleged sighting aroused excitement among the crowd, mainly because Monsieur Rafik was arrested a mere few days ago, for alleged subversive communist activities. The effect of a potentially fresh rumor was decidedly orgasmic: the women could not contain their excitement at the prospects, and proceeded to deconstruct every angle of the unfolding story. What body of etiquette governed the behaviors of wives of polticical prisoners? Was it appropriate / scandalous to appear in an elite social club while said spouse is touted by police in interrogation rooms? Was their a decorum mourning period for which, not unlike a widow, the wife must reflect on her loss in the confines of her private lodgings before resuming normal day-to-day activity? Was it even appropriate for the wife of an alleged communist to indulge in daily activity in a decidedly Bourgeois, and - hence capitalist - private social club? Would that be an indication that her husband is innocent of such horrid accusations? Or did he in fact betray his principles by blending in this irreverent garden community and calling it home? Or has she betrayed his ideals? This ignited a somewhat intellectually stimulating discussion among the women. The urban-come-suburban former downtown Catholic school girls argued Trotsky vs. Stalinism, and rhetorically pondered the question: is the revolution a constant process or two-phase? The wives of officers, provincial-come-suburban women of no particular formal education to draw on, were suddenly anxious at the Russian-names-dropping of their gossip-club colleagues and decided to divert the conversation to the silly and benign, the way they always do whenever the conversation became too political or less cliché. In the next few years, as the military ruling class strengthened its hold over Egyptian Intellegencia, the provincial mentality of avoidance of all things serious would reign supreme: a new unwritten book of etiquette cautioning against the mere mention of authors or ideas in casual conversation to avoid embarrassing / offending those who never read a book (who by the mid-60's would be appointed at every critical administrative position in the state). In a book she wrote and published years later, Angela would dub it the politics of trivialization.


Angela walked out of so-called "Social Building" and stood in its terrace, a depressing modern (read: minimalist) two-story cement block that was christened only a few days back. Angela was lost in one depressing thought upon visiting the new mammoth building (mammoth relative to all the smaller structures dotting the Maadi club): why was her world collapsing so suddenly? The terrace overlooked the croquet court, and the sight of a posse of middle-aged Barbie dolls first startled then intrigued her: when did they start allowing stilettos on the croquet turf? Then she spotted Madame Karim (née Fadila Hussein) in a Liza Mennelli frock and instantly got her answer. Every tea party has a Queen (or so the proverb goes, or should) and if the queen of this tea party also serves the role Wife to General Karim (dutifully promoted from Officer to General after the '52 Coup d'Etat) then she will have her tea and cake on the turf if she so pleases, stilettos and all. In fact, she could have a marching band perform on the turf to go with the tea. Or even a firing squad, but that would be in poor taste. She found herself entertaining the thought of her own croquet-firing-squad, but who would they shoot? Officer Gameel for starters, the prison guardian who denied her a visit to her husband this morning and every morning, and possibly Madame Karim for ruining the turf with her stilloto-trotting posse. A mischievous smile came across her face momentarily as she basked in that thought. This was Angela's coping mechanism with tragic circumstances and life's little annoyances alike, she imagined herself capable of terrible vengeance against the perpetrators, indulged in the dream-like thought, then banished it from her memory altogether.

Meanwhile on the turf, Madame Karim had spearheaded the movement to steer the conversation from Trotsky to Angela's sighting in a white Coco Chanel dress with an elusive hemline. Mrs. Gamayil (née Geneviève Frangieh), the resident Femme Moderne expressed her doubt that a woman like Angela, known for her austere appearance would don a trendsetting Chanel dress. Others shared anecdotal evidence to that point. They were lost in a transcendental moment of joyful revelations when they noticed sensed the towering figure shadowing them, and synchronously turned around to see Angela standing on the terrace above them. She stood still, her hands to her sides, staring down at the now silent crowd beneath. The sun was setting behind her. To the women, all they could make of Angela was a silhouette of a slender, tall woman against the backdrop of a red sun, casting her shadow on the entire pack. Her appearance was both iconic and imposing. To the Catholic school girls among them, the fair woman in the white dress with a Fire-y glow was of mythic proportions. They believed they were witnessing an apparition of the Madonna.

Broken Thoughts

There was an international writer's convention in Iceland this week. All card-holding members of the World Organization of Writers (W.O.W) had to attend, or risk losing their licenses. They drafted a proposal which stated that "we, the writers of the world, proclaim that the muse visits while we are writing, not before".

President W. Bush claimed this was a conspiracy by the Axis of Evil to encourage hard-working Americans to read & write (!). In a white House press release, the president stated that "writing was just as un-American as universal healthcare, communism, homosexuality, stem-cell research, diplomacy and anything else they do in France". To further his point, the press release intentionally misspelled the words healthcare, communism, homosexuality and stem-cell.

Bin Laden appeared in a tape later that evening on AlJezira, denouncing the Muse's Visit as "a sinful display of debauchery! The improperly-veiled muse would visit a non-related male while he is writing (In Islam, naturally only men are allowed to write) and seduce him to fornicate with her. It is yet further proof that western infidels seek only to destroy the moral fiber of our young men while they are transcribing Allah's names (in Islam, nothing else is worth writing) on the side of bazookas we are firing against the infidels."

Al Musto Lopez, spokesman for the Latina Immigration Reform Coalition, said this incident yet again proves how vital Latino immigrants are to the American economy, for they are take up tasks that Americans refuse to perform, like reading & writing. Without Latinos, he questioned, "How will the average hard-working American understand his TV guide? That's a lot of Palabras....I mean words. Who will read them their TV guides out loud for $5.95 an hour? Certainly not the terroristos"
And in a statement released from the heavenly palaces, God - who had retired from the spotlight and had not been seen in public in nearly two millennia, following the tragic death of his son in a hit-and-crucify accident by an unidentified Roman Legionnaire (Police believe the suspect may have fled across the borders to Mexico, or the Incas, as it was called back then) - said it warmed his heart to know that his legacy as the World's Greatest Writer has inspired so many others to follow suit. God is best known for his two best selling novels "The Torah: All you need to know about my Chosen People" and "The Bible: Why I sent my son to die for your sins". Both novels have been best-sellers for centuries, with millions of people around the world claiming it is their ultimate guide to understanding this world and life itself. God is also responsible for a number of key accomplishments, including the creation of the world itself, the death of the millions of human beings who read his book, and millions who didn't, wars, volcanoes, earth quakes (the term "natural disaster" and "god's work" can be used interchangeably) as well as the design of the highly controversial platypus (some argue it of all his 'animal creations', that was the most downright 'retarded'). He has also been suspected of writing "The Quran: The guide to an Austere Life" under the guise of a nom-de-plume (the book was signed Allah, and for years, readers have asserted that it is god in fact who wrote it anonymously, fearing backlash from the avid readers of his first two best-sellers. God has repeatedly denied the allegation, stating that he does not speak Arabic and that he has never met Mohammed, though he admitted that they might have chatted online before Mohammed started claiming they were "meant to be together" and began stalking him)

Entertainment weekly published pictures of God parading in a Speedo on Malibu beach. The picture showed him cuddling with a handsome young man of Hispanic heritage. A comparative analysis of god's nose showed he may have undergone Rhinoplasty. The magazine claims there is evidence to suggest he may have "undergone a little Lipo too".

Shakespeare congratulated god on his return from early-retirement, reminded him that it is HE who is truly the world's greatest writer. Shakespeare asserted that surely, no one could compare the poetic epiphanies of "The Tempest" or "A mid-Summer Night's Dream" to the simple-minded, simple-worded commands of say, Leviticus in the Old Testament. Shakespeare compared God's writing to computer code like C++ "totally incomprehensible and stupid". He also hinted that God may have plagiarized other writers, as both the Bible and the Torah lack coherence, continuity or even a writer's voice. "Dude, it's as if god just copied & pasted a few articles from the New York Post and made a collage of the little pieces. It's totally pathetic".

God responded by ordering Bin Laden to kill Shakespeare

Swimming in a Fish Bowl

In an age of Youtube, MySpace and a seemingly endless streams of reality shows, Voyeurism has transformed from a reticent obsessive-compulsive behavior to an openly embraced obsessive-compulsive behavior that we collectively engage in, almost like a shared cinematic experience.

Yousry Nasrallah's "Aquarium" explores the voyeuristic nature of our culture. Tarek, the protagonist and anti-hero suffers from a compulsive habit of roaming around the the botanic gardens in Zamelik

In the traiditon of Agitprop theatre, "Aquarium" is a politically charged, socially-conscious artistic endeavor. The film diagnoses the symptoms of our societal decay, our state of mind.
Cinema at the end of the Silent Era and the glossy Hollywood productions - dubbed "talkies" - that followed in the 1930's fostered similar behavior patterns. For many men and women faced with the harsh realities of the Great Depression and the great world war looming ahead, movie theatres virtually served as parallel universes, where they can live vicariously through the beautiful and glamorous heroes and heroines of the silver screen. They could, for a short period, forget the increasingly hostile, ugly world outside the theatre and experience a color-saturated, melodic dream-like existence, albeit short-lived. This was an Escapist mechanism of sorts, a mechanism that is not unlike what we exercise today.

Tarek, the protagonist, is a 30-something anesthesiologists who enjoys listening to the stories his patients mutter under anesthesia before undergoing surgery. He is excited by the prospect of dissecting the lives of others, their secrets and most intimate feelings and thoughts…uninvited.

He applies the same approach to those in his primary vicinity, irritating his phone-sex compulsive friend, who verbally objects to the fact that his life is an open book to Tarek, wheras Tarek reveals nothing about himself. Tarek goes through the motions of his daily life – visit girl friend, tend to hospital-ridden ailing father, anesthize his patients, etc. – with no emotional attachment, with borderline apathy. He is a mere observant in his own life story, a silent spectator.

The repercussions of cultivating a voyeuristic culture to society-at-large is made clear whenever Tarek ventures into the world: driving by silent "Kefaya" protesters lining the streets and blocking road. We see them through his windshield, sullen and muted. He passes them by as a mere observer, not participant.

Leila fares no better as the other side of the apathy coin. A successful radio show hostess, she is constantly stretching the boundaries of social acceptance on her late-night show, airing confessions of men and women with (often sexual) predicaments considered taboo. She lends a sympathetic ear, but little else. Like Tarek, she is apathetic to the political turmoil around her. She refuses to participate in events raising awareness on AIDS or anything remotely resembling activism. She reasons that it is not "her role".

Fear and repression are the dominant themes in Nasrallah's film. Fear of ostracizing is what prevents a mother from reporting to Police the rape of her own daughter. One of the most compelling scenes is one where the rape victim is lying back in the operation chair, anesthized in preparation for an abortion operation: her eyes and mouth wide open, listening to her mother talk to Tarek about her predicament. Unable, to shout, scream, move, she is paralyzed, figuratively by repressive societal norms that condemn her for a crime she did not commit.
Fear is what prevents Leila and Tarek from political activism, fear is what forces the Christian landlord to hand-pick only secular tenants.

Admittedly, all those fears are well founded. Honor killings are a reality for many rape victims, police brutality is a reality for political activists and religious intolerance is a reality for anyone that does not subscribe to fundamental Islam.

Fear is what drives the central and peripheral characters in "Aquarium" to commit unforgivable acts, or worse, do noting at all, paralyzed indefinitely, in a constant sleep-walking state, going through the motions, numb and mute.

Perhaps Nasrallah's worst fear is fear as a permanent state-of-mind, and the chronic paralysis that it triggers in people of all walks of life.

Like Canaries in a coal mine, we die

The title is an allusion to the 19th century practice by coal miners described below:

"Early coal mines did not feature ventilation systems, so miners would routinely bring a caged canary into new coal seams. Canaries are especially sensitive to methane and carbon monoxide, which made them ideal for detecting any dangerous gas build-ups. As long as the canary in a coal mine kept singing, the miners knew their air supply was safe. A dead canary in a coal mine signalled an immediate evacuation."
-Michael Pollick

The expression in mainstream culture refers to the sacrifice of one's life serving others. Perhaps most disturbing about that analogy is that the act of sacrifice is involuntary, non-consensual and abrupt. One minute you are singing happily, the next minute you're dead and serving as a warning for others. Your death, ironically serves a purpose more profound than all your life contribution put together. The contrast between the fragile beauty, grace and music radiating from our feathered friend, set against the backdrop of the harsh coal mining environment, is astounding.

Living like Canaries in a Coal Mine is how I imagine anyone stuck in Iraq today that is considered a weaker life form, i.e. lower on the food chain. If you are a child, woman, gay, transgendered or part of a religious minority, you are especially vulnerable. The situation in Mesopotamia plays out like an experiment in social Darwinism gone awry. The savagery that propels individuals, without any prospect of gains to throw acid on a 5-yr old child until his face melts to the bone (full story on CNN), or stone a pre-adolescent girl to death for "lewd" behavior (video is on youtube) or setting a trans-gendered woman (formerly a singer/entertainer during Saddam's regime) on fire then dragging her charcoaled corpse into the street for the curious to inspect her burnt genitals. This is Iraq today, nothing short of barbaric.

Yet, they speak of progress. 6 years after the war, the accomplishments include holding a democratic election, where people unanimously voted to make Islamic Sharia the source of legislation (making stonings and beheadings closer to becoming a reality nation-wide), and changing the flag, by highlighting in green the words "Allah Akbar" (God is Great) on the same red, white and black background of old. The wording of the human rights protection clauses in the constitution was changed to specifically name homosexuals as humans excluded from those rights. This is done by a U.S. backed government in a U.S occupied territory.

In one of the most under reported news stories and one of the most telling, a young Afghani journalist has been sentenced in Afghanistan to death for being caught with articles (which he didn't write) that criticize Islam. A man is going to be sentenced to death by a court of law by a U.S propped government in a country under full U.S military control, for questioning Islam?

When the U.S forces occupied Germany after WWII, Germans were forced to change their constitution, forced to free the Jews in concentration camps, forced to rewrite their school textbooks, forced to eliminate hate speech and propaganda from their media outlets. None of those changes were negotiable. No one ever talked about respecting the "cultural sensitivities" of Nazi Germans. The ideology itself that produced the barbarity we saw in Western Europe was banned altogether, along with Hitler's memoir. Germany underwent extreme Social Engineering under the U.S administration of the time to rehabilitate the country to "rejoin the ranks of world nations" so to speak. Same for Japan: the allied forces wrote a new constitution, granting women the right to vote and abolishing "Shinto" as a state religion, and that was still 1945. Why is it different for Iraq? Why are they allowing them to imbed hate-speech and discrimination in their new constitution? Or is occupation reduced to killing innocent civilians on the street? We are setting in motion a system that will undoubtedly be more repressive than anything Iraq has seen under Saddam.

Today, virtually all dictatorships the world round are backed by the U.S government. In Saudi Arabia, women can't even drive or sign a legal document or walk/travel alone. To do virtually anything besides eating and breathing requires the consent and chaperoning of her legal guardian. It goes without saying that they aren't allowed the right to vote and their statements are inadmissible in court. There is no minimum age for marriage, because the prophet married Aisha when she was 6. Gay men are beheaded sporadically, and so are atheists. Yet Saudi is the U.S.'s biggest ally in the region. How?

None of these governments would survive a day without supplies from the U.S Arms industry. The very technology that Saudi uses to filter internet content nation-wide (censorship in its most extreme form, you cannot access any website in the kingdom unless the government approves it) is provided by an American company. This complicity is criminal.

Like canaries in a coal mine, we die – men, women and children who aren't tough enough to survive in the harsh Middle Eastern social landscape – unbeknownst to us that the very sympathetic lads that brought us with them to the coal mine to entertain are the ones responsible for our eventual demise.

I refuse to die.